Oh, I've been difficult!! My parents will attest to that. Having been a problematic person myself does not make dealing with other difficult people in my life any more straightforward if at all, it can make it harder. We have all had moments when we might have just wanted to be complicated. It is super easy and beguiling to gossip about other people rather than face our problems. The pent up anger is quickly released with an excellent old tantrum. Oh, and to be stubborn and not comply in defiance, not accept the status quo makes us feel like a courageous hero and expressing our frustration at someone or something that is out of our control makes us feel in control even for a minute. Still, these truths never make dealing with 'other' difficult people any more straightforward. That is why, I went searching for answers, trying to find the solution on dealing with difficult people in my own life because let's admit it, we have all had those 'moments' within our own life.
I use YOUTUBE a lot. I tend to avoid the sex, drugs and the general debauchery that goes on there but instead subscribe to a few channels that helps me with my daily life, like my practice of meditation and art. Coincidentally, I came across this channel by a very young black African man, and I was utterly impressed by his wisdom. I even showed it to my husband, who was amused and said: "don't send this to your sisters, their husbands might get jealous". Laughing, I had to agree. He is cute. Lately, though my understandings don't entirely acquiesce with his, I liked this old video here:
If you don't have the 20 minutes to watch the video, here is a breakdown of what he says, summed up in six easy steps:
First of all, don't forget to LOVE, even at times when you don't feel it, ACT love until you feel it because it is better than not (this is my note!)
Second, whatever anyone does or says to hurt, do not take it PERSONAL. Because often it's said or done because the problematic person is finding it difficult dealing with their ISSUES!
Third, stay CALM. Most challenging personalities in one's life thrive on your reactivity because they feed on the ensuing DRAMA. So just breath easy and sail right past them, especially when they try to incite an adverse reaction from you.
Fourth, realize that as long someone has an adverse affect on you by their actions or words, it is a reflection on YOU. You may have things to learn about YOURSELF, and that is why the negative friction is present in your life. By having this person in your life, you may be forced to self-reflect and become a more loving person yourself.
Fifth, put yourself in the other persons shoes. There may be many reasons why he or she is not more loving: they may have had a difficult childhood, had friction in their past relationships, they may feel like they are not worthy of your love or admiration etc. By experiencing this difficult person, you can learn to be more FORGIVING.
LASTLY, please put it in PERSPECTIVE. In the grand scheme of things, how meaningful is this relationship or encounter? Put it behind you and move on to better things, expanding your life towards love and having friendships/relationships with those who have the capacity within themselves to love you back and be more loving.
Have you had difficult people in your life, husbands, children, family, in-laws, friends, work colleagues? How did you deal with it? Most importantly, were you able to walk away happy?